unfair

it has been sooo long since i last blog.
bluntly, life itself has been on and off great.
but without due respect, i was told that i had been irrationally unfair.
and if being fair is the clear-cut matter then life would never be too difficult.
because fair would be, i'm falling for him five months ago and him loving me back.
or she delivers whatever it is now five months ago so i deserved to take pleasure in.
and fair would be, my best friend is right here right now telling me that everything will be alright.
fair would be, when he caress my head and i should ask him if he's okay before he walked away.
fair would be, them stop judging me.
fair would be, i don't have to wake up to this.
and fair would be, for me not to give up on hope!
and what does being fair got to do with any of these now?!
it is just effing contradicting.
life rarely been fair to anyone so please, it is beyond understatement.
but on some level, i know things will just fall back into place eventually.
not perfectly fall into place but good enough for me.
i don't want to throw a false hope thus letting go, my last resort it is.
and only God knows how massively hurting it is to get done with.
but then again, words don't do justice.
i never felt my heart this heavy.
nothing right or wrong about a decision.
thinking made it so.
my apologies.