and she said, i beg your pardon..
can't help it but to smile.
seriously, you can hardly hear that nowadays.
i miss those days when my language was simply profound.
now that i have catch on with the chinese slang and killed my malay accent, its time for drastic measure.
it has been super hectic at work and i really really mean hectic literally.
very exhausting, sleep-deprived, late night meals and falling sick.
but appreciate the well wishes.
didn't expect people to care though.
maybe its not about changing but just to realize and move on.
cheers.
can't help it but to smile.
seriously, you can hardly hear that nowadays.
i miss those days when my language was simply profound.
now that i have catch on with the chinese slang and killed my malay accent, its time for drastic measure.
it has been super hectic at work and i really really mean hectic literally.
very exhausting, sleep-deprived, late night meals and falling sick.
but appreciate the well wishes.
didn't expect people to care though.
maybe its not about changing but just to realize and move on.
cheers.
without you knowing, you have hurt me deep.
without you knowing, you have broke a trust.
without you knowing, you have shattered a hope.
without you knowing, you are just a stranger from now on.
thanks for everything.
i never stand corrected again prior to the situation.
gentle reminder, never be too nice to someone because if you don't get appreciated, you will just get hurt.
an act of random kindness is no longer an act.
it is more likely to be a demand nowadays.
expect one to do more than what is required but never expect to receive more than what is needed.
once again, truth hurts.
it hurts even more coming from someone whom you cared so much.
and its just like rubbing salt to the wound when he/she is the reason you stand so tall turns out to be the same reason
you are demoralized and despair arise.
cheers to all for supporting me always and making me feel a hell lot better.
and cheers to those who made me feel worse than rock bottom.
because it just make me stronger.
without you knowing, you have broke a trust.
without you knowing, you have shattered a hope.
without you knowing, you are just a stranger from now on.
thanks for everything.
i never stand corrected again prior to the situation.
gentle reminder, never be too nice to someone because if you don't get appreciated, you will just get hurt.
an act of random kindness is no longer an act.
it is more likely to be a demand nowadays.
expect one to do more than what is required but never expect to receive more than what is needed.
once again, truth hurts.
it hurts even more coming from someone whom you cared so much.
and its just like rubbing salt to the wound when he/she is the reason you stand so tall turns out to be the same reason
you are demoralized and despair arise.
cheers to all for supporting me always and making me feel a hell lot better.
and cheers to those who made me feel worse than rock bottom.
because it just make me stronger.
take everything life has to offer or gives you !
remember the main reason why i ask you to go for it ?
the only time you run out of chances is when you stop taking them !
shoot for the moon and i fall between the stars, i guess.
at least i landed somewhere.
big picture. big picture.
i think i feel much better now after several consultations.
i can like face the world again. haha.
and happy birthday to mieza !
cheers.
remember the main reason why i ask you to go for it ?
the only time you run out of chances is when you stop taking them !
shoot for the moon and i fall between the stars, i guess.
at least i landed somewhere.
big picture. big picture.
i think i feel much better now after several consultations.
i can like face the world again. haha.
and happy birthday to mieza !
cheers.
you gave me a feeling that you're independent.
if only independent is the same meaning as happy.
if only opportunities come with a decal label that states "rest assured".
if only it was a turn of event.
if only first impression is not judged.
appreciated all the feedback and support throughout the toughest week i had.
the trace of depression and frustration are still there but hey, i'm standing tall.
this is not the end.
the best possible thing is yet to come.
even if it gonna' take forever, i will be right here waiting.
provide me the strength and patience to endure all this.
please.
people kept asking why, and if only they know why.
it's not a choice i make but a choice they make and set for me.
who am i at the end of the day?
if only independent is the same meaning as happy.
if only opportunities come with a decal label that states "rest assured".
if only it was a turn of event.
if only first impression is not judged.
appreciated all the feedback and support throughout the toughest week i had.
the trace of depression and frustration are still there but hey, i'm standing tall.
this is not the end.
the best possible thing is yet to come.
even if it gonna' take forever, i will be right here waiting.
provide me the strength and patience to endure all this.
please.
people kept asking why, and if only they know why.
it's not a choice i make but a choice they make and set for me.
who am i at the end of the day?
i am so frustrated.
i am so disappointed.
i am depressed.
i am so disappointed.
i am depressed.
do you know what is amazing ?
how a person changes a perspective in a split of second.
and for only one reason.
to see the determination of another being.
i admit sometimes i am too carried away with the things i want in life and i overlook
what i actually wanted to achieve in life before my last breath.
it is not about winning or losing the races in life but it's more about finishing what one has started
and not giving up along the way.
i was so privileged to attend the workshop the other day with a great speaker and my super great companion.
it has inspired me in many ways and without a doubt, changes one belief after another.
i never thought waking up in the morning can be so fulfilling.
it has always been just another day.
i never knew an animal like eagle is so powerful.
imagine the determination.
and i never think far of a father's love.
it is simply breathtaking.
i wish for nothing to break me again.
cheers.
how a person changes a perspective in a split of second.
and for only one reason.
to see the determination of another being.
i admit sometimes i am too carried away with the things i want in life and i overlook
what i actually wanted to achieve in life before my last breath.
it is not about winning or losing the races in life but it's more about finishing what one has started
and not giving up along the way.
i was so privileged to attend the workshop the other day with a great speaker and my super great companion.
it has inspired me in many ways and without a doubt, changes one belief after another.
i never thought waking up in the morning can be so fulfilling.
it has always been just another day.
i never knew an animal like eagle is so powerful.
imagine the determination.
and i never think far of a father's love.
it is simply breathtaking.
i wish for nothing to break me again.
cheers.
it has been sooo long since i last blog.
bluntly, life itself has been on and off great.
but without due respect, i was told that i had been irrationally unfair.
and if being fair is the clear-cut matter then life would never be too difficult.
because fair would be, i'm falling for him five months ago and him loving me back.
or she delivers whatever it is now five months ago so i deserved to take pleasure in.
and fair would be, my best friend is right here right now telling me that everything will be alright.
fair would be, when he caress my head and i should ask him if he's okay before he walked away.
fair would be, them stop judging me.
fair would be, i don't have to wake up to this.
and fair would be, for me not to give up on hope!
and what does being fair got to do with any of these now?!
it is just effing contradicting.
life rarely been fair to anyone so please, it is beyond understatement.
but on some level, i know things will just fall back into place eventually.
not perfectly fall into place but good enough for me.
i don't want to throw a false hope thus letting go, my last resort it is.
and only God knows how massively hurting it is to get done with.
but then again, words don't do justice.
i never felt my heart this heavy.
nothing right or wrong about a decision.
thinking made it so.
my apologies.
bluntly, life itself has been on and off great.
but without due respect, i was told that i had been irrationally unfair.
and if being fair is the clear-cut matter then life would never be too difficult.
because fair would be, i'm falling for him five months ago and him loving me back.
or she delivers whatever it is now five months ago so i deserved to take pleasure in.
and fair would be, my best friend is right here right now telling me that everything will be alright.
fair would be, when he caress my head and i should ask him if he's okay before he walked away.
fair would be, them stop judging me.
fair would be, i don't have to wake up to this.
and fair would be, for me not to give up on hope!
and what does being fair got to do with any of these now?!
it is just effing contradicting.
life rarely been fair to anyone so please, it is beyond understatement.
but on some level, i know things will just fall back into place eventually.
not perfectly fall into place but good enough for me.
i don't want to throw a false hope thus letting go, my last resort it is.
and only God knows how massively hurting it is to get done with.
but then again, words don't do justice.
i never felt my heart this heavy.
nothing right or wrong about a decision.
thinking made it so.
my apologies.
be alone it is.
three weeks away and frustration surpassed my will to find happiness.
perhaps i tried too hard.
i am still in dire to explain myself but maybe just for once, things are better left hanging in the air.
and just for once, it is well-proven that action speaks louder than words.
i would be lying if i said i don't like you.
but i would be lying if i said i fall for you.
and there's no one to judge us.
it's unfathomable.
it's complicated.
it's just not anyone's concern.
i am no longer her.
i am trapped in my own thoughts.
decision, now or never.
merely another ordeal of life's downfalls.
can i hang on?
can i keep up with the changes?
can i incessantly be in character?
can i fake my smile again and again?
can i be stronger?
i wish to see tomorrow where things would be different.
three weeks away and frustration surpassed my will to find happiness.
perhaps i tried too hard.
i am still in dire to explain myself but maybe just for once, things are better left hanging in the air.
and just for once, it is well-proven that action speaks louder than words.
i would be lying if i said i don't like you.
but i would be lying if i said i fall for you.
and there's no one to judge us.
it's unfathomable.
it's complicated.
it's just not anyone's concern.
i am no longer her.
i am trapped in my own thoughts.
decision, now or never.
merely another ordeal of life's downfalls.
can i hang on?
can i keep up with the changes?
can i incessantly be in character?
can i fake my smile again and again?
can i be stronger?
i wish to see tomorrow where things would be different.
where changes is just a pensive word.
and to God i silently pray...i'm back since friday.
wish things would just be different.
wish i don't have to come back.
resume to work on saturday and will be effing busy for the rest of the month.
apologies for all the plans canceled.
cheers.
wish things would just be different.
wish i don't have to come back.
resume to work on saturday and will be effing busy for the rest of the month.
apologies for all the plans canceled.
cheers.
it is just so futile to vent everything here at a short notice.
words don't do justice nor priorities.
but i take my chance.
one week meet another and it not only breaks my heart, along with my intensity.
mind over matter it is and it is no longer about what i want.
but perhaps, what others want me to have.
and while some trying to be understanding, others just find it plain stupid.
and it all began with a smile - it is really stupid, i know.
i'm going with certainty for now, even if i strongly think that it is not where i want to be.
but beggars can't be choosers.
letting go means leaving it in the past and in actuality of moving on.
it is the best thing that ever happened in my life.
it is the first and also the last.
little do people know, why is it so absurd?
allow the reasons to lie between the truth and my denial.
i am leaving tonight with a miserable self.
surprisingly, things that i proclaimed before are now vague to my perception.
i will settle for possibilities then.
pardon my self-centeredness, but it is already due.
i will miss being super jovial and carefree and just happy about almost everything.
and endlessly ask people to smile.
because now my smile has take its absence.
as said, it's not a one way street.
damage control or drastic measure, nothing will change the fact that it's over.
enjoy while it lasts, and it already come to an end.
well, i never expect it to be so radical in a way but it is.
hope the trip will fix me wherever is broken.
and other issues that bother me will set its release.
just in case of the inevitable, i already had the best time and moments with the best people in my life.
and to some who have been involved in my account for the past months, i appreciate it super a lot :)
mus - thanks for being my best friend throughout the years :)
licia - thanks for being my best pillar of strength in so many times i opt to yield :)
v - thanks for listening to secret of my secrets. haha! and the time you had spared for me :)
t - thanks for being understanding and loving me always :)
ain - thanks for being there and a very good friend to me :)
kenzo babes - thanks for making me feel young at heart and the cause of my laugh wrinkles! haha :)
colleagues - thanks for making life at work less boring :)
k - thanks for being you :)
huda - thanks for being a sister to me and made me shop a lot! haha :)
mieza - thanks for the support and always make things rational for me :)
luqman - thanks for being my part-time boyfriend and always around when i need you! haha :)
family - thanks for being the greatest gift ever :)
cousins - thanks for being the best cousins in the world! :)
others - thanks for being part of my life :)
and i have two hours to pack everything now!
promised to come back feeling better though.
meanwhile, take care and much love :)
words don't do justice nor priorities.
but i take my chance.
one week meet another and it not only breaks my heart, along with my intensity.
mind over matter it is and it is no longer about what i want.
but perhaps, what others want me to have.
and while some trying to be understanding, others just find it plain stupid.
and it all began with a smile - it is really stupid, i know.
i'm going with certainty for now, even if i strongly think that it is not where i want to be.
but beggars can't be choosers.
letting go means leaving it in the past and in actuality of moving on.
it is the best thing that ever happened in my life.
it is the first and also the last.
little do people know, why is it so absurd?
allow the reasons to lie between the truth and my denial.
i am leaving tonight with a miserable self.
surprisingly, things that i proclaimed before are now vague to my perception.
i will settle for possibilities then.
pardon my self-centeredness, but it is already due.
i will miss being super jovial and carefree and just happy about almost everything.
and endlessly ask people to smile.
because now my smile has take its absence.
as said, it's not a one way street.
damage control or drastic measure, nothing will change the fact that it's over.
enjoy while it lasts, and it already come to an end.
well, i never expect it to be so radical in a way but it is.
hope the trip will fix me wherever is broken.
and other issues that bother me will set its release.
just in case of the inevitable, i already had the best time and moments with the best people in my life.
and to some who have been involved in my account for the past months, i appreciate it super a lot :)
mus - thanks for being my best friend throughout the years :)
licia - thanks for being my best pillar of strength in so many times i opt to yield :)
v - thanks for listening to secret of my secrets. haha! and the time you had spared for me :)
t - thanks for being understanding and loving me always :)
ain - thanks for being there and a very good friend to me :)
kenzo babes - thanks for making me feel young at heart and the cause of my laugh wrinkles! haha :)
colleagues - thanks for making life at work less boring :)
k - thanks for being you :)
huda - thanks for being a sister to me and made me shop a lot! haha :)
mieza - thanks for the support and always make things rational for me :)
luqman - thanks for being my part-time boyfriend and always around when i need you! haha :)
family - thanks for being the greatest gift ever :)
cousins - thanks for being the best cousins in the world! :)
others - thanks for being part of my life :)
and i have two hours to pack everything now!
promised to come back feeling better though.
meanwhile, take care and much love :)
